worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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