I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
