I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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