This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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