Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize