i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Who died my cat blue again?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize