I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
it was like having sex with a tree stump
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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