did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
He passed out mid-signature
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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