I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Text me some of your sweat
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