At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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