His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
and she was petting her beer can
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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