Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
