you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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