so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
