my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
