Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
