yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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