Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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