the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
