..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
