i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
