When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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