You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
