All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
