the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
