i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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