God, you're like boner-b-gone
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
