Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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