I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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