Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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