I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
