is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm like, not good at living.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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