This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
