I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Randomize
