You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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