Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
