You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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