I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
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