put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
