Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
