I'd wear matching sweaters with you
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Randomize
