i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
