they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
