im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize
