my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize