the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
