I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
