Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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