9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
is it fun? or sober?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
