my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
