im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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