Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
