if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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