he looks like a really good dad on facebook
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
