I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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