Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize