I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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