why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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