Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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