Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
