why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
there is glitter all over my balls
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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