She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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