Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
