@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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