This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
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