We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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