I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
