Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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