just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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