the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize