dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
