I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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