My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
