I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
